The Fencing Drinking Game

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOMO!
:D
We ♥ You!
--

Today, the fencing coach was late. Virgil, Momo, and I spent that time devising a drinking game for fencing practice.

Some Notes: The size of a "drink" is under a lot of debate; for our purposes here, it'll be about the equivalent of a good-sized shot glass. If you so wish, you may also interpret a drink as a giant mug.
The size of a "bottle" is along the lines of an average wine bottle. Once again, if you wish to enlarge the quantity, go for it.
For those who are legally and medically allowed to drink alcohol, do so.
For those who aren't (i.e., all of the Curly Fries as of right now), substitute alcohol for the beverage of your choice. 


We are not responsible for anything that happens if/when you get drunk.


THE FENCING DRINKING GAME

One drink if. . .

• You get a chest protector that's too big.
• Somebody says the t-word [aka "think"].
• You're off-target.
• China is mentioned.
• Politics are mentioned.
• Any of the fencing people tries to sound smart and fails.
• There are only left-hand gloves when you need a right-hand one.
• None of the fencing jackets (vests? suits?) fit.
• Somebody takes the foil/epee/saber you usually use.
• You stop while running stairs/around the school oval/around the courtyard.
• You say "fence" instead of "swordfight" when refereeing.
• The scary-fencing-eleven-year-old called Goyle* (not his real name) screams/yells/shouts/makes an exclamatory remark once.

Three drinks if. . .

• Your helmet/jacket (vest? suit?) is stained with mysterious colors and/or congealed goo.
• Goyle screams/yells/etc. more than twice in a row (meaning yelling twice or more without actually talking in a normal voice in between).
• You say the t-word and don't get caught [a celebratory drink].
• You say the t-word and do get caught [an "oh-woe-is-me" drink].
• The coach is between ten and thirty minutes late.
• Every single gym bathroom is locked and you are forced to walk up to the first floor to relieve yourself.
• Somebody takes the foil/epee/saber you usually use and it takes longer than two minutes to find a suitable replacement.

 One entire bottle if. . .

• You end up with the biggest chest protector [i.e., the one so big it has breathing holes].
• Goyle goes the entire practice without talking once in a normal voice.
• You slip and fall down in an undignified fashion.
• You manage to run the entire oval [i.e., 3/4 mile] without stopping.
• The coach is over thirty minutes late.
• The coach tells you to do jackknives.
• The SFEYO best at dodgeball** manages to get out.
• The SFEYO best at dodgeball gets you out.
• You get somebody out at dodgeball [only for the people who are really bad at throwing].
• The only right-hand glove left is ancient, crusty, wrinkled, cracked, discolored, or a combination of the above.
• The only jacket (suit? vest?) left is five sizes too big or three sizes too small.

Two entire bottles if. . .

• You get the SFEYO best at dodgeball out.
• You manage to get through the entire round of dodgeball without getting out once [for the people bad at dodging].
• You accidentally stab an innocent passerby.

*So called because of Goyle of AVPM/AVPS, who displays the tendency to shout a lot and dramatically.
**Technically called something along the lines of "zhoozhee"; Momo, please tell me the correct spelling. Apparently, it's a Chinese game. It's not exactly dodgeball, but close enough.


Further Notes: "SFEYO," if you are not already aware, stands for "scary fencing eleven-year-old."
If you are drinking alcohol for this game, believe me, it is very easy to get drunk. So, once again, don't hold us responsible for anything you happen to do or say if or when you get drunk from this game.


That is all.
xiy