The Invasion of the....(dramatic pause) HILLBILLIES!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! THE HILLBILLIES! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!!!! Oh, right, I made them. Heheh. This is the last picture-post for theme week three (even though I technically already had a picture post. Whatever) and it will be spectacular. Now, this picture-post is a story that will be told by dear friend. I'll let him introduce himself. Here goes*:

 Hillbilly Heaven:

Why, hello thur! My name is Pa (pronounced Pa-aw) and I live hur in Waest Virginia on this hur corn farm. This year the corn don't be doin' too good. Look at this corn hur on my right. This hur specimen looks like darn poo on a stick! A right shame, if you ask me. Speakin' of which,  I best introduce y'all to my family.

This hur is my lurvely wife, Luisa-May. She was a pageant gurl up until 'bout 8 yurs ago when a rabid dog dun bit her leg off. She never had that pageant walk agaain. She is a beaut, though.

This hur is my eldest son, Jimmy-John Jr. He's a littleslow but them doctors always say he just special. He ain't never had no hur and his left arm is shorter than the right. He's a good boy, just a little slow.

Next up we got us Liza. She don't look like none of us, but she sure do look like that old manager of Luisa-May's beauty contests. I forgive my wife though for her adulterous deeds. Liza is a beauty and she'll bring us in the money when she turns 13 next summer and can enter them teen pageants. Mmm-hmm.

This boy hur is my son, Charlie. He don't do no work on the farm 'caus he's too weak. He likes them books instead. And the math. He sure do love the math. Wife and I can't count to 20 without the use of our toes, but this boy hur is a genius. He do them taxes and what-not for us. I think imma keep him around.

After Charlie we got Mary-Sue. She likes the fire. I don't know what's wrong with her, but she done lit her dolls and such on fire. I think she may burn down the barn soon. I gotta make sure she don't get them matches no more. Or that blow torch. She sure do likes that.

Last and maybe the least, we got Jo. It's a girl (JoAnna) but when Luisa-May was pregnant we had hoped for a boy to follow the patterin that are chillun' was born in. When it was a girl I was so mad. I just pretend he's a boy and don't look when I change the diaper.  He don't got no talents like my other babies had. All he do is poop.

Well, that's my family. I hope you done enjoyed that. Come again! Bye-bye, now!

Oh, Pa. Wasn't that lovely, guys?! Maybe Pa and the family will return someday. Or maybe not...we'll see.

SECRET MESSAGE! Type "secret" in the comments!

~Momo~

*A Lesson in Hillbilly Speak:

Vowels should be pronounced as follows:

a: Long and annoying. For any a. "And" is "a-aand", "again" is "agaa-in",except for words like "hair" which are pronounced like "hur".

e: Pronounced like a u or an "ey". "Here" is also "hur", which may be confusing to those who have not studied hillbilly speak. "Hello" is "heylo". "Elephant" is "eylephant".

i: Short i's elongated, long i's are normal. "I did" is pronounced as "I deed". 

o: unchanged.

u: unchanged.

Please use improper grammar (y'all could pleez use them unproper grammars).

Add the word "them", "done" and "thur" to everything. (I would like to feed the chickens. Them, I'd like to done feed them thur chickens.)

Please practice this lesson until perfected. Then continue in the reading of the post. (Practice that thur lesson until y'all have done got it perfect. Then y'all can continue reading that thur done post.)